so okaasan is now gone, left two days ago and i dont think my otousan understands the words "mou tabemashita" which means i have already eaten. on thursday night, i was kind of excited about getting home to an empty house and just relaxing and doing my homework. but no, otousan calls me, asks if i already ate - yes - what time are u getting home - already home, and then tells me he is at the suzukis and asks me if i want to come (but in my had i mistranslated) and accidently said yes. so okusan comes and gets me, cant say no to that, told her in the car that i already ate, but sure enough when i got to the house, there was food on the table for me! man, i dont think id ever been so full, first pizza, then this fried fish thing and cabbage, and side dishes. my goodness ... anyways, somehow the topic of soka gakkai came up and let me tell ya, it is very difficult to have a controversial conversation in a different language , trying to explain how its different in america but still not trying to bash it in japan, oye! but we got through, and glad to know that my otousan now likes me and he did apologize because he had been mistaken about sgi before i came and that i am ok! hehe, thanks dad!

speaking of sgi, got to meet an sgi guy yesterday at school. one of my friends has a good sgi friend, so he came and we all talked and he told me when some meetings would be. very nice guy and kind of felt nice to speak with a japanese person who liked the sgi!

emotions: kind of worried ... this morning the phone rang and i never pick up the phone because i dont think i know enough japanese in order to take a message if i needed to, but this morning the phone kept ringing and ringing, like 6 times over and over again. might have been my okaasan from italy, but still didnt pick up, too scary! hope she is okay, sigh.

very happy i got to speak to some of my soka siblings today!! and very excited about some of the news i heard for next year, almost makes me want to go back now and just get things started! hehe, and elli - i tried to call you today, but you werent home, did your sister let you know? :( if i can, i will try to call back again, but she said ur cell is off now ... i miss you!

also happy becaue its finally getting warmer in sapporo - actually 20 degrees today (around 70 f i think), but i might have said it before and i will say it again, i hate the wind! especially when riding the bike, makes it a whole lot more diffictult!

and oh yeah, does every boy in japan have a girlfriend or what? the other guy who i thought might have been promising also has a girlfriend ... boys, you just dont know what your missing!

crazy to think i only have 9 more weeks before i go back home. and i know its going to go by soo fast! thinking about it, its only 8 full more weekends - its strange, i know i dont want to go home, and i really like it here, but there is also a part of me that is looking forward to going home, being in a place where i understand everything and i know exactly what is expected of me. i always seem tired here - its draining trying to understand everything and still balance the emotions and figuring what i want out of this trip. do i want to spend a lot of time with my host family? do i really want to spend time with the other study abroaders or with japanese people? then again, also spend a lot of time with the evil doers (not really evil you know) and its strange, i think i appreciate them more here than i did in america, getting to know them on a different level. like the other study abroaders are cool and all, and usually im the type that wants to connect with everyone, but for some reason, here im not as motivated to connect with those in the group ...
i think id rather connect with the japanese speaking people ive met here. in a way i feel guilty, but in a way i dont, because i did come here to learn japanese and can only do that by speaking it and listening to it. i dont know what to think, i find that my actions are being controled by those id rather spend time with instead of them really being my own choice, which i dont think is good .. not really helping me be independent and just do what i want to do, but then again ... oohh i dont think, this is getting long, sorry ... should go do some homework - blah! also letting myself realize that im extremely selfish and really need to think more about others and put them first instead of myself!!!! sorry guys ... i have issues, ha!

ok, bye :)