what is a good friend?

how do you reach out to someone when your selfish? how can you care for someone when you want to be cared for? how do you put other people before you when your just figuring out that you have a lot of shit to deal with and don't know how to do deal with it?
i truly want to care for my friends and family, i want to be seen as someone that people can depend on, someone they can confide in ... i dont want to force it, but i dont know how to do it naturally.

tonight i cried in front of everyone and i dont even know why. i've never had a problem expressing myself, but for some reason i couldnt stop myself when i started telling them something that they hadnt heard from me before. maybe it was because its something that ive just barely admitted to myself and that for the first time in my life i feel like shit and im trying to come to terms with it but i dont know how. im trying to do it by myself, partially because i dont know how to reach out and partially because part if the shit im dealing with is my extreme selfishness and self-absorbency and if i try to reach out then i would feel even more selfish.

questions im asking myself: can you heal yourself without being selfish? can you come to terms with your karma by yourself? can you become a person of compassion only through putting others first? what does it mean to put others first and if you do does that mean you are only bottling up what your feeling and then it explodes again later? i guess because i've never truly put others first, and that im always in some way or manner thinking about me, that i dont know what kind of an impact it can have on your life.

i assumed something tonight that i should not have because i have no idea what they are going through ... i love you