always tired ...

so my host mom is soo cute! yesterday i got home earlier than usual and she was like, ahh, what are you doing home so early, then apologized (not sure why). told me that my host aunt was coming over soon and otousan wouldnt get home until a little later, then all of a sudden, otousan comes home and shes like ahhh ... everyone is coming home early today! then all of us went to bed at before 9:30 and me and her just laughed and it felt like just a normal conversation, felt very nice.

today, we discovered that in japanese, there is no difference in the way you would say "my teacher made me write a paper" and "my teacher let me write a paper" how annoying is that? i mean, made and let is such a huge nuance in english, how can it be so trivial in japanese, oye!

also found out that there are actually 30 SGI members at Hokusei (which is a christian university), thought that was ironic - got to meet one today and they have a "club" meeting on monday. sounds interesting.

all the japanese girls that came on the onsen trip with us (jessica mentioned them briefly) have now been coming up to the international center everyday since the trip, and i can definately tell the difference between young, 18 year old freshman girls and us. do girls voices get deeper as they get older? i sure hope so, because all i know is that is very high pitched during lunch now, and very crowded.

for once in my life, i finally feel like im getting to know myself - just a side note i thought i would share. for those who i dont see everyday, i miss you! actually looking forward to going home - next month ahhh!!! and starting school. for those who i see everyday, im glad your with me in japan :)

i'm such a fool ...

first off ... Andy we totally better go to San Fran when i get back!!! i've never been but really want to go. i get back home on july 18th, when i talked to lisa i mentioned the idea that maybe u guys should drive on up my way, spend a day in the good ole' countryside and have some a good homecooked meal, and then we'll head to SF? how does that sound? and totally bring phat along! i actually miss him and his last email was not satisfying! grrr

so this weekend, went to the onsen, got naked, drank a lot (it was interesting having sammi actually encourage me to drink! thanks ... i think), avoided lots of bugs, but saw a lot of pretty green stuff. i'll say this for japan, it has definately helped me get comfortable being naked in front of people. they just dont care here and so why should i? i didnt even mind being naked in front of all the americans, it was actually quite freeing and comfortable, aside from falling off the shower stool on my bare ass in front of all the japanese, hmm mmm.

so now onto the emotions ... if you dont want to read about me being a fool then i suggest skipping this part :P

so yeah, im such a fool!! and jessica will attest to it. if you were at the onsen then you would have noticed the amount of time i was spending with a particularly unavailable guy! but hes sooo nice ... i think i owe jessica like a 1000 dollars by now. basically we sat together on the bus on the way there and back, kept finding myself around him at dinner, during the drinking party, at the park thingy ... oye, im hopeless. i think i continue to do this to myself because i know hes unavailble which means its safer for me in that i cant initiate anything and i know he wont. i swear sometimes he likes me too, just sometimes. but then he goes and calls his girlfriend on the bus today :( lets just say in many ways i feel like im actually getting older, but in the area of men i still feel so young. i mean i got freakin giddy when he emailed me on my phone just randomly like at 10:30 at night to see what i was doing.

alright, if your still reading this ill put u out of ur misery! i should go home, have a slight headache because i only slept 2 hours last night and drank quite a bit.

ok bye :)

warm wind ...

today there is a warm wind blowing, finally starting to feel like winter is over in this place. i love how green everything is here. the green is so vibrant, you can just feel life. i guess growing up in southern california where it doesnt really rain, ive just never seen such vibrant green in so much abundance. feeling kind of blah lately. dont know why ... the other two say they have been feeling similarly. is this delayed culture shock? is this homesickness? it comes and goes and dont know quite how to deal with these emotions. sometimes i just want to be alone, is that so bad? really starting to realize that i like my independence. my host family is great and all, but sometimes it would be nice not to have the responsibility of telling them what time ill be home, and other family duties. guess u have to take the good with the bad huh? also, it kind of sucks right now because i still feel like my otousand doenst really like me right, maybe because last week i was gone a lot. just get over it!!!

just 7 weeks before i go home. going by really fast, but in a way im excited. might be going on a road trip to san fran, might have friends come visit me, looking forward to a car when i go back to school and being able to take friends home to float down the river when its hot and go sledding when its cold. looking forward to the freedom! wonder if i will actually take advantage of it or be like i am now, just a bum! this is so unsual of me! oye!

today i saw ...

dandelions as a full grown plant (massive), what seemed like an endless field of tulips, a mountain covered in purple flowers, the pacific ocean from japan's point of view (i think), steam rising from dirt, rice patties upon rice patties upon rice patties, weeping willos, a tree with leaves that looked like fire ... today was a good day!

okaasan is back, gave me pretty earings from italy ... happy

so im changing the date on my blogs in order to keep with the going ons of the week. today i went to see flowers with the two and ended up lying on a field of dandelions pretending to be asleep, only to find that dandelions make a good dye, my once white sweater now has an interesting dandelion print on it ... afterwards, went to see a movie with the two and tomoko. i love tomoko, she is soo cute!! and she now knows about the boy (yes, the one i said i was getting over, but in actuallity still want to like him ... emotions are evil!)

need to thank my otousan, even thought i dont think he really likes me right now. after getting home, went next door and otousan asked me if i wanted to go on this long site-seeing trip to see really amazing flowers. of course i hadnt studied at all and was planning on having a nice day at home, so i said no, i need to study. "allison you always study here, you could be doing the same thing in america. why did you come to japan if your are not going to experience it" is what i think he said. very true, need to start experiencing more!

this weeks feels like im at soka in the sense that i just dont have enough time to do everything, partially because ive been going out everynight since okaasan is gone - playing to much and not enough studying, todays quiz seriously showed that, first time i think i failed. but she comes back on sunday and alas life will return to normal. going to a play tonight then drinking. i think i have become a lush! but have also discovered that i can truly hold my liquor. i now understand what i am like when im drunk and guess i am one of those people that dont pass out and dont lose my memory, so those who say i dont remember, i was too drunk - u lie huh? its weird, im really letting myself just try new things here, and not only here. ive noticed during the last year ive been letting go of my childhood. letting go of the time that where i thought i was one of those people who would never drink or do anything crazy and it feels strange.
first time in my life where i actually feel like ive grown a lot but not necessarily in a positive, just expanded i guess - trying to figure out who i am. also, seriously developing a humngous appreciation for language, they have to be the most amazing thing in the world! i mean i just made a grammatical mistake but you could still understand what i was talking about - just amazing, hehe.

okay, bye :)

lets see ... what has happened in the last two days? yesterday rained all day, so stayed home and did homework. then went out to eat with otousan, onisan and onesan (sister in law) to genghis khan (barbequed lamb) and all i gotta say is i love my onisan and onesan so much! they are so great, my onisan is very much like his mother in the fast that when something was ready off the barbeque he would always give it to me and just looking out for me, felt like a real brother! and my onesan is great, she always tries to understand me and we talk a lot about random stuff so it forces me to use new vocab ... i like patient people, they are my friends!

today had school, worked out. at the international student center i had two girls come up to me and asked me if they could teach me japanese, said sure, and they pulled out the good ole nakama book that i used in america ... so we pretty much just talked, i think they thought i didnt know as much japanese as i do, but cute! hehe ...

also went out to dinner again tonight (yeah i know, we go out a lot! went out on saturday night too - just cuz okaasan is gone though). tonight my onisan told me that when i get married he wants me to let him know and for my honeymoon i should come to japan, cute huh? im like, it might be a while! also had some random people at the restaurant start talking to me. i think its amazing that everyone thinks my japanese is so good even if i only say one thing like konichiwa ... people, my japanse sucks! i just pretend like i can understand you!!

emotions: kind of one those awww feelings. i feel very much apart of the family here now. getting along with the brother and sister-in-law, know my way around the kitched a little bit, walking and feeding the dog, made rice and onigiri today, and just feel at home. even get the occasional scolding from otousan which i dont mind cuz im like huh? what did you say? ;) i feel as if i were to return to japan i have a family to come to, which is really what i wanted out of a host family. just the fact that my host bro wanted me to let him know when i get married means a lot to me.

but still have homework to do and its already 12:30 am and want to sleep so im gonna go now ... love you all (hehe, in that lovey dovey feeling)

ok, bye :)

lets see ... what has happened in the last two days? yesterday rained all day, so stayed home and did homework. then went out to eat with otousan, onisan and onesan (sister in law) to genghis khan (barbequed lamb) and all i gotta say is i love my onisan and onesan so much! they are so great, my onisan is very much like his mother in the fast that when something was ready off the barbeque he would always give it to me and just looking out for me, felt like a real brother! and my onesan is great, she always tries to understand me and we talk a lot about random stuff so it forces me to use new vocab ... i like patient people, they are my friends!

today had school, worked out. at the international student center i had two girls come up to me and asked me if they could teach me japanese, said sure, and they pulled out the good ole nakama book that i used in america ... so we pretty much just talked, i think they thought i didnt know as much japanese as i do, but cute! hehe ...

also went out to dinner again tonight (yeah i know, we go out a lot! went out on saturday night too - just cuz okaasan is gone though). tonight my onisan told me that when i get married he wants me to let him know and for my honeymoon i should come to japan, cute huh? im like, it might be a while! also had some random people at the restaurant start talking to me. i think its amazing that everyone thinks my japanese is so good even if i only say one thing like konichiwa ... people, my japanse sucks! i just pretend like i can understand you!!

emotions: kind of one those awww feelings. i feel very much apart of the family here now. getting along with the brother and sister-in-law, know my way around the kitched a little bit, walking and feeding the dog, made rice and onigiri today, and just feel at home. even get the occasional scolding from otousan which i dont mind cuz im like huh? what did you say? ;) i feel as if i were to return to japan i have a family to come to, which is really what i wanted out of a host family. just the fact that my host bro wanted me to let him know when i get married means a lot to me.

but still have homework to do and its already 12:30 am and want to sleep so im gonna go now ... love you all (hehe, in that lovey dovey feeling)

ok, bye :)

so i cant figure out how to get my loved ones links on there. changed the template and only got as far as getting the loved ones title as well as a little arrow on there. but cant seem to figure out how to get the actual link on there ... hmmm

so okaasan is now gone, left two days ago and i dont think my otousan understands the words "mou tabemashita" which means i have already eaten. on thursday night, i was kind of excited about getting home to an empty house and just relaxing and doing my homework. but no, otousan calls me, asks if i already ate - yes - what time are u getting home - already home, and then tells me he is at the suzukis and asks me if i want to come (but in my had i mistranslated) and accidently said yes. so okusan comes and gets me, cant say no to that, told her in the car that i already ate, but sure enough when i got to the house, there was food on the table for me! man, i dont think id ever been so full, first pizza, then this fried fish thing and cabbage, and side dishes. my goodness ... anyways, somehow the topic of soka gakkai came up and let me tell ya, it is very difficult to have a controversial conversation in a different language , trying to explain how its different in america but still not trying to bash it in japan, oye! but we got through, and glad to know that my otousan now likes me and he did apologize because he had been mistaken about sgi before i came and that i am ok! hehe, thanks dad!

speaking of sgi, got to meet an sgi guy yesterday at school. one of my friends has a good sgi friend, so he came and we all talked and he told me when some meetings would be. very nice guy and kind of felt nice to speak with a japanese person who liked the sgi!

emotions: kind of worried ... this morning the phone rang and i never pick up the phone because i dont think i know enough japanese in order to take a message if i needed to, but this morning the phone kept ringing and ringing, like 6 times over and over again. might have been my okaasan from italy, but still didnt pick up, too scary! hope she is okay, sigh.

very happy i got to speak to some of my soka siblings today!! and very excited about some of the news i heard for next year, almost makes me want to go back now and just get things started! hehe, and elli - i tried to call you today, but you werent home, did your sister let you know? :( if i can, i will try to call back again, but she said ur cell is off now ... i miss you!

also happy becaue its finally getting warmer in sapporo - actually 20 degrees today (around 70 f i think), but i might have said it before and i will say it again, i hate the wind! especially when riding the bike, makes it a whole lot more diffictult!

and oh yeah, does every boy in japan have a girlfriend or what? the other guy who i thought might have been promising also has a girlfriend ... boys, you just dont know what your missing!

crazy to think i only have 9 more weeks before i go back home. and i know its going to go by soo fast! thinking about it, its only 8 full more weekends - its strange, i know i dont want to go home, and i really like it here, but there is also a part of me that is looking forward to going home, being in a place where i understand everything and i know exactly what is expected of me. i always seem tired here - its draining trying to understand everything and still balance the emotions and figuring what i want out of this trip. do i want to spend a lot of time with my host family? do i really want to spend time with the other study abroaders or with japanese people? then again, also spend a lot of time with the evil doers (not really evil you know) and its strange, i think i appreciate them more here than i did in america, getting to know them on a different level. like the other study abroaders are cool and all, and usually im the type that wants to connect with everyone, but for some reason, here im not as motivated to connect with those in the group ...
i think id rather connect with the japanese speaking people ive met here. in a way i feel guilty, but in a way i dont, because i did come here to learn japanese and can only do that by speaking it and listening to it. i dont know what to think, i find that my actions are being controled by those id rather spend time with instead of them really being my own choice, which i dont think is good .. not really helping me be independent and just do what i want to do, but then again ... oohh i dont think, this is getting long, sorry ... should go do some homework - blah! also letting myself realize that im extremely selfish and really need to think more about others and put them first instead of myself!!!! sorry guys ... i have issues, ha!

ok, bye :)

so had a big test on monday, got the results back yesterday and didnt do too bad. whats ironic is that on all of the past quizzes i have actually done really well, but on i totally bombed the grammar part of test and did really well on the listening, reading, and speaking part, so averaged out to a b. started a coukannikki (exchange journal) with one of my japanese friends, tomoko. basically its a journal that we write letters to each other in, and all in japanese. t started it yesterday and when i took it home to decipher, it only took me 2 hours to figure it all out ;) hehe, i only had to look up every other word and kanji, hehe, but its really good practice for me and its a fun way to get to know someone, but its crazy hard when you are doing it in another language man!!!! whats funny, is that it will only take her like 4 minutes to read my letter, hehe ... today is really warm, it is now 22 degrees celsius, which means about 71 degrees f which is damn hot for sapporo, but im ready for the warmth. i have had nothing but cold, snow, and rain for the last 5 months! my host mom is leavign for italy tomorrow for 10 days which means it will just be me and the dad. we've worked out this chat thing so that if we are not going to be home that night, we put in x on it so we know we are on our own for dinner. okaasan has tought me all about the kitchen and how to make the rice, and yakisoba, so i will survive. wish i were going to italy though! hehe. so what the heck is going with america right now? im watching the news everyday but its in japanese, so i dont really get it. just seeing some images of bush, and powell, and then american soldiers doing crazy shit in iraq and im just man, shit has hit the fan since i left and i cant tell whats going on! pebbles, u need to break out some of you conflict resolution on them! ;)

emotional part:
hmmm, what am i feeling today? irritated, you know when you lose something but you know it should be on the desk where you are positive you left it, but its mysteriously gone? sometimes i think our lives are just tv shows without us knowing it, and at some points they say cut and take one of the props and then action, and i have no idea where it went. they do it just to mess with us, i know it! im onto your games ... bwa haa haaaa!

gotta get to school now and do some work!

ok, bye :)

saturday night went out to dinner with otousan, okaasan, and the suzuki's. had quite a bit to drink. always interesting to go out with them because they only speak in japanese, most of the time i dont know what they talk about, just sit there and nod my head, especially after i've had a few drinks. although, im getting better, i can actually understand suzuki-san sometimes, the one man who i never understand because he speaks so freaking fast and mumbles. but they are very nice people! i always have a good time and always have good food. although, i've noticed they always give me chicken ever since they asked me what i eat in the states, cute huh?
so yesterday my host family had a barbeque at the house ... j, e, and evil doer 1 came over. had tons of meet, probably too much meat ... according to the other three at least. otousans friends and j got into a bit of ruff i guess. i walked in on the middle of the conversation and they were arguing about tea or something. otousans friend was suprised that none of us really cared about the different teas and j was trying to explain why and i dont know what was going on. i was trying to talk to my onisans cousin's kid. i love kids! they are so great, u can understand what they are saying and u dont really need to speak to have fun! the younger people are always very patient and speak slowly, plus they are just easier to relate to!
(side note: it seriously needs to stop raining, because i need to ride the bike home)

emotional part: so sometimes i just really miss people. yesterday at the barbeque i was getting out the pictures from america and were seeing my family and friends and just got in a nastalgic mode. so all of you ... i miss you! i really appreciate that we have the ability to communicate and understand eachother's nuances. pebbles, i can't wait to share a suite with you, it feels like it's been so long. im looking forward to driving again, especially since i will have a car next year! looking forward to hanging out at kwan's place on the weekend and dropping in at the deiser's to get some food! even looking forward to setting up the speed of light for a certain professor if he still needs me! but, im still having a great time here and realize that it will go by too fast and when i go back i will miss it like crazy! just never works, always miss something huh? grass is always greener, but right now, both sides are green :) still hate boys though!

ok bye :)

saturday night went out to dinner with otousan, okaasan, and the suzuki's. had quite a bit to drink. always interesting to go out with them because they only speak in japanese, most of the time i dont know what they talk about, just sit there and nod my head, especially after i've had a few drinks. although, im getting better, i can actually understand suzuki-san sometimes, the one man who i never understand because he speaks so freaking fast and mumbles. but they are very nice people! i always have a good time and always have good food. although, i've noticed they always give me chicken ever since they asked me what i eat in the states, cute huh?
so yesterday my host family had a barbeque at the house ... j, e, and evil doer 1 came over. had tons of meet, probably too much meat ... according to the other three at least. otousans friends and j got into a bit of ruff i guess. i walked in on the middle of the conversation and they were arguing about tea or something. otousans friend was suprised that none of us really cared about the different teas and j was trying to explain why and i dont know what was going on. i was trying to talk to my onisans cousin's kid. i love kids! they are so great, u can understand what they are saying and u dont really need to speak to have fun! the younger people are always very patient and speak slowly, plus they are just easier to relate to!
(side note: it seriously needs to stop raining, because i need to ride the bike home)

emotional part: so sometimes i just really miss people. yesterday at the barbeque i was getting out the pictures from america and were seeing my family and friends and just got in a nastalgic mode. so all of you ... i miss you! i really appreciate that we have the ability to communicate and understand eachother's nuances. pebbles, i can't wait to share a suite with you, it feels like it's been so long. im looking forward to driving again, especially since i will have a car next year! looking forward to hanging out at kwan's place on the weekend and dropping in at the deiser's to get some food! even looking forward to setting up the speed of light for a certain professor if he still needs me! but, im still having a great time here and realize that it will go by too fast and when i go back i will miss it like crazy! just never works, always miss something huh? grass is always greener, but right now, both sides are green :) still hate boys though!

ok bye :)

so today was a very unproductive day. rode my bike to school at ten to meet e and j to workout but e didnt show up until 11:30 and j emailed us to go on and wo by ourselves. so we went, but didnt really get anything done because there were a bunch of highschool looking kids in the gym using all of the machines. so went back to the international center and saw j. met jessica at 1 to study but didnt get any studying done until 3 because we were trying to figure out how to send pictures to alex o for the exhibit thing at school and it took entirely too long. then we started to try and study but neither one of us really felt like it, so now we are blogging. what a day huh? so what have u been doing? hopefully something a little more productive eh!

just remembered to blog this ... so last night, evil doer 1 and i went to odori and stellar place (au needed my bank account info for some reason) to eat and walk around. on our way back on the subway, there was this lady that was falling asleep. this is usually not that unusual ... however, u know when u fall asleep and ur head jerks right when u wake up? okay imagine this at the most extreme! this lady was moving from side to side, back to front in full motion! she must tapped her head on the guy sitting next to her at least 15 times, and then fell asleep on his shoulder, he moved and she did it to the other person!! it was kind of sad, but jess and i couldnt help but laugh, it was hysterical. at a certain point, u just wake up! hehe ... :P

now the emotional part: so im getting annoyed by soka with study abroad students. i swear we get emails from every department asking us to bring by such and such forms to their office by the end of they day, and its like HEELLLLOOOO, im in japan, i cant! and then today i received a package from my mom with that intent to graduate form in it. deadline is May 15th to get the form back to the registrar or else we cant graduate, but their system was first send it to my PMB at school, then forwarded to my house, then sent to japan, and now i have a week to turn it in .... hmm, anyone else see the problem with that??? and then has student accountanting made any mistakes with you guys with financial aid? the other day i received an email saying i owe $7600 and that my payment is 30 days overdue so i have a $20 late fee ... but, get this! we sent that check in january!!! so my mom called the school and everything got cleared up, they said that there was a mistake and that now they have the payment ... but im like what??!! now you have the payment, how can a check that big not get recorded in 4 months time? grrrrr, i shake my fist at you for making such unacceptable mistakes!!!
saw the boy today by chance at school ... i think im acutally starting to get over him, realizing that its not a possiblity to truly to get to know him and that friends is a much more reasonable approach. damn u heart!

should go home and eat now ...

ok, bye :)

so i have decided to have two parts to my blog: the informative part of my day to day going ons and then the emotional stuff ... yeah yeah, i get emotional and mushy and stuff, although there may be overlap between the two because emotional shtuff tends to stem from the day to day going ons ...

anywho ... onto the most recent emotions. my japanese teacher asked all of us what we wanted most and i responded with "renai" - for those who don't speak japanese, renai means romantic love. yeah im going through one of those moods where i would like to have that special someone to cuddle with. and right now i want to cuddle with a particular korean boy and it pisses me off because logically it doesnt make any sense because i dont speak korean and he doesnt really speak english and we have to communicate in japanse (he is also an exchange student) and of course his japanese is super good, while mine is still at a level at which deep conversations are impossible. therefor, why do i like this boy? because of some stupid feeling i get in my stomach when i do talk to him and hang around him. all i know is that boys suck!!! why do they have to be so darn nice and cute and wantable ... grrr!!! and then there is the other japanese boy who had offered to take me places and asked me to come to his house sometime but i only see him once a week so i dont really get to measure the potential of that. all i want is just a fairy tale ending ... is that too much to ask for? huh, i dont think so.

ok, bye!

If you are reading this now, welcome to my new blog ... I was finally convinced by the evil doers, better known as Jessica and Samatha, to start a blog or else suffer the consequences because I never know who to email or who wants to hear from me ... so now, if you want to hear from me and the going ons of my life this is the place to be.

so i guess i need to update all yall who might be reading this ... i have now been in japan for well over a month, completely fluent and have been mistaken at least 5 times for a native japanese person, yes i am starting to take on the physical characteristics as well!!! okay, well not really, but you get the picture. i have been having a great time, eating lots of weird stuff - sometimes i really dont even want to know what im eating - and making lots of friends. the first two weeks here were spent on a study tour around honshu and kyushu. saw tons of shrines and temples, beautiful countryside, cherry blossoms, and most importantly ate a lot and drank a lot! new things that i have tried since coming to japan: lots of raw stuff (egg, tuna, tai, katsuo, otoro, chutoro, fish eggs, octopus, squid ... you name it, i have probably eaten it), nato, tororo (similar to nato), suzumi (in english terms, barbequed sparrow on a stick), nihonshu (sake), umeshu (my favorite), and lots of other stuff. Surprisingly my ability to like food has increased since coming here considering how picky i was in the states and now im pretty much a human garbage disposal.

after the honshu trip, met the host family and have been living with them ever since. it's just the dad and the mom, but they are really nice. they are 55 and pretty much speak entirely in japanese to me, my host dad knows a little english, but all in all, im forced to use my japanese a lot. they take me out to eat a lot - at least 2-4 times a week, which means i get to eat really good and expensive food. whoever said japanese people eat small portions lied!!! i thought i would be losing weight in this country, but if it weren't for the fact that i ride a bicycle to school everyday and exercise at school 3 times a week, i would probably be gaining weight! liars ... u are all liars! hehe.

anyways, i think i will blog later ... time to go get some food with one of the evil doers in odori park. oh yeah, i have a keitai (cell phone) that has email, so if you are feeling extremely angry at me for not emailing (i promise i will try) but want to take the initiative, my email on the phone is allichan@ezweb.ne.jp it vibrates when u send an email, so come one, send me one! ;)

also, i love you all and miss you all very much. having to do the whole registration thing is making me think of everyone at soka and home and just ahhhhhh.

ok, bye